Sinterklaas explained

by David Sedaris:
In France and Germany, gifts are exchanged on Christmas Eve, while
in Holland the children receive presents on December 5, in
celebration of Saint Nicholas Day. It sounded sort of quaint until
I spoke to a man named Oscar, who filled me in on a few of the
details as we walked from my hotel to the Amsterdam train station.

Unlike the jolly, obese American Santa, Saint Nicholas is painfully
thin and dresses not unlike the pope, topping his robes with a tall
hat resembling an embroidered tea cozy. The outfit, I was told, is
a carryover from his former career, when he served as a bishop in
Turkey.

One doesn't want to be too much of a cultural chauvinist, but this
seemed completely wrong to me. For starters, Santa didn't use to
do anything. He's not retired, and, more important, he has
nothing to do with Turkey. The climate's all wrong, and people
wouldn't appreciate him. When asked how he got from Turkey to the
North Pole, Oscar told me with complete conviction that Saint
Nicholas currently resides in Spain, which again is simply not
true. While he could probably live wherever he wanted, Santa chose
the North Pole specifically because it is harsh and isolated. No
one can spy on him, and he doesn't have to worry about people
coming to the door. Anyone can come to the door in Spain, and in
that outfit, he'd most certainly be recognized. On top of that,
aside from a few pleasantries, Santa doesn't speak Spanish. He
knows enough to get by, but he's not fluent, and he certainly
doesn't eat tapas.

While our Santa flies on a sled, Saint Nicholas arrives by boat
and then transfers to a white horse. The event is televised, and
great crowds gather at the waterfront to greet him. I'm not sure
if there's a set date, but he generally docks in late November and
spends a few weeks hanging out and asking people what they want.

"Is it just him alone?" I asked. "Or does he come with backup?"

Oscar's English was close to perfect, but he seemed thrown by a
term normally reserved for police reinforcement.

"Helpers," I said. "Does he have any elves?"

Maybe I'm just overly sensitive, but I couldn't help but feel
personally insulted when Oscar denounced the very idea as grotesque
and unrealistic. "Elves," he said. "They're just so silly."

The words silly and unrealistic were redefined when I learned that
Saint Nicholas travels with what was consistently described as "six
to eight black men." I asked several Dutch people to narrow it
down, but none of them could give me an exact number. It was always
"six to eight," which seems strange, seeing as they've had hundreds
of years to get a decent count.

The six to eight black men were characterized as personal slaves
until the mid-fifties, when the political climate changed and it
was decided that instead of being slaves they were just good
friends. I think history has proven that something usually comes
between slavery and friendship, a period of time marked not by
cookies and quiet times beside the fire but by bloodshed and
mutual hostility. They have such violence in Holland, but rather
than duking it out among themselves, Santa and his former slaves
decided to take it out on the public. In the early years, if a
child was naughty, Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black men
would beat him with what Oscar described as "the small branch of
a tree."

"A switch?"

"Yes," he said. "That's it. They'd kick him and beat him with a
switch. Then, if the youngster was really bad, they'd put him in
a sack and take him back to Spain."

"Saint Nicholas would kick you?"

"Well, not anymore," Oscar said. "Now he just pretends to kick
you."

"And the six to eight black men?"

"Them, too."

He considered this to be progressive, but in a way I think it's
almost more perverse than the original punishment. "I'm going to
hurt you, but not really." How many times have we fallen for that
line? The fake slap invariably makes contact, adding the elements
of shock and betrayal to what had previously been plain, old-
fashioned fear. What kind of Santa spends his time pretending to
kick people before stuffing them into a canvas sack? Then, of
course, you've got the six to eight former slaves who could
potentially go off at any moment. This, I think, is the greatest
difference between us and the Dutch. While a certain segment of
our population might be perfectly happy with the arrangement, if
you told the average white American that six to eight nameless
black men would be sneaking into his house in the middle of the
night, he would barricade the doors and arm himself with whatever
he could get his hands on.

"Six to eight, did you say?"

In the years before central heating, Dutch children would leave
their shoes by the fireplace, the promise being that unless they
planned to beat you, kick you, or stuff you into a sack, Saint
Nicholas and the six to eight black men would fill your clogs
with presents. Aside from the threats of violence and kidnapping,
it's not much different from hanging your stockings from the
mantel. Now that so few people have a working fireplace, Dutch
children are instructed to leave their shoes beside the radiator,
furnace, or space heater. Saint Nicholas and the six to eight black
men arrive on horses, which jump from the yard onto the roof. At
this point, I guess, they either jump back down and use the door,
or they stay put and vaporize through the pipes and electrical
wires. Oscar wasn't too clear about the particulars, but, really,
who can blame him? We have the same problem with our Santa. He's
supposed to use the chimney, but if you don't have one, he still
manages to come through. It's best not to think about it too hard.

While eight flying reindeer are a hard pill to swallow, our
Christmas story remains relatively simple. Santa lives with his
wife in a remote polar village and spends one night a year
traveling around the world. If you're bad, he leaves you coal. If
you're good and live in America, he'll give you just about anything
you want. We tell our children to be good and send them off to bed,
where they lie awake, anticipating their great bounty. A Dutch
parent has a decidedly hairier story to relate, telling his
children, "Listen, you might want to pack a few of your things
together before you go to bed. The former bishop from Turkey will
be coming along with six to eight black men. They might put some
candy in your shoes, they might stuff you in a sack and take you
to Spain, or they might just pretend to kick you. We don't know
for sure, but we want you to be prepared."

This is the reward for living in Holland. As a child you get to
hear this story, and as an adult you get to turn around and repeat
it. As an added bonus, the government has thrown in legalized drugs
and prostitution-so what's not to love about being Dutch?

Oscar finished his story just as we arrived at the station. He was
a polite and interesting guy-very good company-but when he offered
to wait until my train arrived, I begged off, saying I had some
calls to make. Sitting alone in the vast terminal, surrounded by
other polite, seemingly interesting Dutch people, I couldn't help
but feel second-rate. Yes, it was a small country, but it had six
to eight black men and a really good bedtime story. Being a fairly
competitive person, I felt jealous, then bitter, and was edging
toward hostile when I remembered the blind hunter tramping off
into the Michigan forest. He might bag a deer, or he might happily
shoot his sighted companion in the stomach. He may find his way
back to the car, or he may wander around for a week or two before
stumbling through your front door. We don't know for sure, but in
pinning that license to his chest, he inspires the sort of
narrative that ultimately makes me proud to be an American.

The History of Christmas by Tim Minchin

The History of Christmas by Tim Minchin

Christmas to me means writing a column about Christmas. The only time I ever get asked to write columns is at this time of year. An editor of a music magazine somewhere says, Who are we going to get to write a column about Christmas? We need someone moderately well-known, musical and preferably comic. And some spotty intern says, How about moderately-well-known musical comedian Tim Minchin? And the editor says… well the editor says, Yes.

I do understand my task here. I understand that I am expected to produce some amusing whimsy about turkey with in-laws and drunken blowjobs at office parties and why no one ever gives Myrrh and more. What ever happened to Myrrh?, I might write, and you might think, Good point, C-grade celebrity Tim Minchin, good point. What did ever happen to Myrrh? And that would be nice. Because we would have achieved empathy.

But instead I am going to write a short History of Christmas. Note: everything I write is true.

Go.

Christmas was originally a Roman pagan festival of lawlessness called Saturnalia. For a week, no one could get arrested for wrecking shit or going nuts. There was lots of singing in the nude (a practice recommended by Tim), plenty of shagging (also recommended by Tim), some rape (not recommended by Tim, but you can watch heaps of it on CSI SVU – I heart modern morality), and some eating of human-shaped biscuits (Tim impartial). It was fun for everyone. Well… nearly everyone. See, at the beginning of the week they’d find a dude who they didn’t like (could be a chick, whatever, lay off) and they’d feed him loads of food and make him shag and party and stuff and then at the end of Saturnalia they’d kill him. Totally kill him dead. Kill the living fuck out of him. Ostensibly in order to ward off evil forces and enemies of Rome.

Saturnalia was – understandably – pretty popular. Completely amoral behaviour (not immoral – who am I to judge?) and a wee bit of human sacrifice. If they’d had cameras, it would have made perfect reality TV. (But they didn’t have cameras, not for many many years yet. In fact not until Joseph Nicéphore Niépce squeezed out his first image over an 8 hour period in 1827. Eight hours! Bet he didn’t delete that fucker, even if it made him look fat or whatever.) So when the homies who were running the increasingly pop cult of Christianity wanted to get more members, they decided they’d just tell everyone that Jesus (or whatever his name was) was born on the final day of the festival, which was… wait for it… December 25th. (Actually, the most likely date of the big J’s b’day is thought to be September 11th. How fucking weird is that? Someone make a documentary.) In this way, the Christian leaders back then were very similar to the leaders of the Pentecostal churches of today: to increase membership, you just change the frickin rules dude. Reinterpret the story. Like reinterpreting the Lord of the Rings to make it about lanky people with hairless feet on a journey to get rid of a necklace. Don’t fucking start me.

So Jesus was introduced and the hitherto pagan Romans just shrugged their shoulders and went with it. They didn’t really care about the justification for getting nude and singing and rooting and eating person-biscuits, as long as they still got the week off. Of course, even back then the Christian church was pretty into their moral directives and all, and they weren’t really sure how the traditions of Saturnalia fitted in with said directives, but they really wanted to get their numbers up, so they just started calling it Christmas and let the Romie Homie’s get on with the raping and the eating of the gingerbread men (or women, whatever, lay off).

To reiterate: the church put Jesus’s name to a festival of sexual abuse and human sacrifice in order to increase income. Oh, and here’s a cool thing: you know how Jews are always banging on about how their people have been so mistreated through the ages? Blah blah blah. Well in 1460ish, Pope Paul the Twoth revived some of the old Saturnalia ways for the amusement of the Roman people by force-feeding a whole lot of Jews food and booze and then making them race naked through the streets while all the good Catholics laughed at them. I think it’s a hilarious idea, and I don’t know why Jews are so sensitive. Maybe ol’ Pope Benedict should revive the tradition, but use gays instead of Jews. It’d be just as funny I reckon.

I know what you’re thinking: “But where does Tim Allen come into this?”. I’m getting there, alright?

Nicking bits of other cults was the bit of business development strategy that made Christianity what it is today. Another example: the church encouraged decorating Christmas trees when they were trying (successfully) to pinch the members of the pagan hippy mob, the Asheira cult. Oh and I assume you know about Santa? He was a Turkish bishop called Nicholas who was the dude who first called Jewish people the “children of the devil”. Bless him. He was idolised by these sailor dudes who took his bones to Italy where he usurped the stocking-filling attributes of a local lady-deity known as The Grandmother. The cult spread to the Germans and the Celts where Nick got mixed up with Woden (big white beard, rode a flying horse), then the Christians took him on board to try to… wait for it… increase membership. Time passes, Coca Cola hires a Swedish artist to make a Santa who drinks coke, and now here we are, 5 years old in Myer Perth city, sitting on the knee of a fat man in a red suit who is touching our thigh and asking us what we want for Christmas and the answer is: to get away from you, you obese, sweaty, antisemitic paedo fuck.

Hold on, hold on, I’ve skipped a bit. Roughly one thousand nine hundred and fifty three years after the birth of Joshua (or whatever his name was) and twenty-two years after the birth of Santa Cola, a boychild was born in Denver, Colorado to Gerald and Martha Dick. His name was Timothy Dick. Timothy Allen Dick.

Tim Dick’s dad died in a car accident when he was eleven, and his mum married an Episcopalian deacon two years later. When Tim was twenty-five he was arrested on drug (dunno which type) charges and spent two years in gaol, after which he changed his name to Tim Allen and made the hit ABC comedy series Home Improvement before bringing us the cinematic joy of The Santa Clause 1, The Santa Clause 2 and The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.

A clause can be defined as an article, stipulation or proviso in a treaty, bill or contract. In the case of Allen’s seminal trilogy, it is a pun.

In the case of the above sentence, the word seminal is a pun.

Have a spoofy Christmas.

(Thanks and apologies to Mr Minchin for nicking this)

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To...

Vol. 29 October 2008

To download, click here and scroll down to the blue Download button.

.7z is a zip format, you can unzip it with Winzip, Winrar or 7-zip

1 The Verve – Love is Noise
2 Metallica – The Day that Never Comes
3 Julian Cope – These Things I Know
4 TV On the Radio – Dancing Choose
5 Fujiya and Miyagi - Uh
6 Portugal. The Man – And I
7 Friendly Fires - Paris
8 Those Dancing Days - Hitten
9 Justice – Planisphère part 2
10 Justice – Planisphère part 3
11 Kings of Leon – Closer
12 Deerhoof – The Tears and Music of Love
13 The Last Shadow Puppets – My Mistakes Were Made For You
14 The Faint – The Geeks Were Right
15 Coldplay - Lost
16 Tricky - Slow
17 MGMT – Kids (Soulwax Remix)
18 The Raconteurs – Many Shades of Black
19 UNKLE – Open Up Your Eyes (featuring Abel Ferrara)

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To....

Vol. 28 September 2008

Download it here

1 Bloc Party – Mercury
2 The Vines – Get Out
3 Kings of Leon – Sex on Fire
4 Ra Ra Riot – Ghosts Under Rocks
5 The Chemical Brothers – Midnight Madness
6 The Rascals – Rascalize
7 Beck – Gamma Ray
8 Air France – June Evenings
9 Late of the Pier - Broken
10 Van She – Cat & The Eye Alright
11 The Subways -
12 Metronomy – Radio Ladio
13 Noah and the Whale – Shape of My Heart
14 The Automatic – Accessories
15 Does It Offend You, Yeah? – Dawn of the Dead
16 The Dandy Warhols – Wasp in the Lotus
17 Coldplay – Lovers in Japan / Reign of Love
18 Black Kids – I'm Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How to Dance with You
19 UNKLE - Chemical
20 The Prodigy – Ghost Town
21 XX Teens – Darlin'

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol 27 July 2008. Download it here.

Comments appreciated!

1 O Fracas – And So a Scratch Runs Down A Wall
2 Wolf Parade – Language City
3 Death Cab for Cutie – Bixby Canyon Bridge
4 We Are the Physics – Bulimia Sisters
5 The Shortwave Set – Harmonia
6 These New Puritans – Swords of Truth
7 Hot Club de Paris – Hey Housebrick
8 Late of the Pier – Space and the Woods
9 Elle Milano - Carousels
10 Sky Larkin - Molten
11 Radiohead - Bodysnatchers
12 Paul Weller & Noel Gallagher – Echoes Round the Sun
13 Infadels – Free Things for Poor People
14 Shy Child – The Volume
15 Morrissey – All You Need is Me
16 The Whip - Blackout
17 The Dandy Warhols – Mission Control
18 CSS – Left Behind
19 Tricky – Puppy Toy
20 We Smoke Fags – Canape of Love
21 The Fratellis – Mistress Mabel
22 Asian Dub Foundation - Superpower

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 26 May 2008

Download it here
Comments appreciated!

1 The Last Shadow Puppets – The Age of the Understatement
2 Dan le Sac VS Scroobius Pip – The Beat that My Heart Skipped
3 dEUS – The Architect
4 Was (Not Was) – Semi-Interesting Week
5 The Courteeners – Not Nineteen Forever
6 REM – Living Well is the Best Revenge
7 Elle Milano – Laughing all the Way to the Plank
8 Does It Offend You, Yeah – Doomed Now
9 The Long Blondes - Guilt
10 Cajun Dance Party – The Race
11 LCD Soundsystem – Big Ideas
12 Operator Please – Yes Yes
13 The Young Knives – Turn Tail
14 Simian Mobile Disco - Simple
15 The Raconteurs – Consoler of the Lonely
16 The Kooks – Do You Wanna
17 Ladytron – Ghosts
18 We Barbarians – In the Doldrums
19 Asian Dub Foundation – Awake / Asleep

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 25 - April 2008

Download it here

Comments appreciated!

1 R.E.M. – Man-Sized Wreath
2 Mystery Jets – Half in Love with Elizabeth
3 Moby – Live For Tomorrow
4 The Young Knives – Up All Night
5 The Kills – Getting Down
6 Tokyo Police Club - Tessellate
7 Duels – The Furies
8 Neon Neon – I Lust U
9 The Raconteurs – Top Yourself
10 Hot Chip – Bendable Posable
11 The Kooks –Always Where I Need to Be
12 We Are Scientists – Let's See It
13 Foals – Red Socks Pugie
14 The Gutter Twins – Each to Each
15 Elle Milano – Meanwhile in Hollywood…
16 Ghostland Observatory – Club Soda
17 The Eye The Ear and the Arm – Sell This
18 Portishead – Magic Doors
19 Hercules & Love Affair - Blind
20 Tapes n Tapes – Hang Them All
21 Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds – Dig, Lazarus, Dig

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 26 February 2008

Anyone wanting a copy please leave a comment

Comments appreciated!

1 Hot Chip – Ready for the Floor
2 Supergrass – Diamond Hoo Ha Man
3 Infadels – Play Blind
4 Envelopes – Freejazz
5 Voicst – High as an Amsterdam Tourist
6 Robots in Disguise – We're in the Music Biz
7 Torpedo – From Russia With Love
8 Vampire Weekend – Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa
9 Crystal Castles – Untrust Us
10 School of Language – Extended Holiday
11 Taken By Cars – Uh Oh
12 Cut Copy - Lights and Music
13 Morrissey – That's How People Grow Up
14 Holy Fuck – The Pulse
15 The Epochs – Thunder & Lightning
16 Correcto - Inuit
17 David Gilmour Girls – Tar and Feather
18 Bauhaus - Undone
19 The Eye The Ear and the Arm – All Claws and Teeth
20 Alter Bridge – Buried Alive
21 Does It Offend You, Yeah – Let's Make Out

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol 23. January 2008

Ones to Watch in 2008

Anyone wanting a copy, please leave a comment

Comments appreciated!

1 I Am Kloot - One Man Brawl
2 Kill Casino - Underwater
3 Marah – Old Time Ticking Away
4 Ladyhawk – I Don't Always Know What You're Saying
5 Crystal Castles - Crimewave
6 Let's Wrestle – I Won't Lie to You
7 Los Campesinos – Death to Los Campesinos
8 Friendly Fires – On Board
9 Vampire Weekend – Mansard Roof
10 Black Mountain – Stormy High
11 The Ting Tings – That's Not My Name
12 The Do – On My Shoulders
13 Sons & Daughters – The Nest
14 Does It Offend You, Yeah? – Weird Science
15 Blood Red Shoes – Try Harder
16 Black Kids – Hit the Heartbrakes
17 Foals – Balloons
18 School of Language – Rockist Pt. 1
19 Say Hi – The Twenty-Second Century
20 Pete & The Pirates – Come on Feet
21 These New Puritans - Numbers
22 Bombay Bicycle Club - Ghost

This Year I Have Mostly Been Listening To....

My best of 2007 2CD mixtape - download it here (CD1) and here (CD2)

Comments appreciated!

CD1
1 Gogol Bordello - Ultimate
2 Klaxons - Golden Skans
3 The Maccabees - About Your Dress
4 Digitalism - Idealistic
5 Cold War Kids - Hang Me Up to Dry
6 Siouxsie – Into a Swan
7 Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
8 The Whip - Trash
9 Manic Street Preachers - Your Love Alone is Not Enough
10 Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80s
11 We Are the Physics - This is Vanity
12 Dan le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - Thou Shalt Always Kill
13 Yeasayer - 2080
14 Art Brut - Pump Up The Volume
15 LCD Soundsystem - North American Scum
16 The Cribs - Our Bovine Public
17 Modest Mouse - Dashboard
18 MSTRKRFT - Work On You
19 Good Shoes - The Photos on My Wall
20 Queens of the Stone Age – Into the Hollow

CD2
1 Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
2 Biffy Clyro – Living Is a Problem Because Everything Dies
3 The Orb - Mother Nature
4 Interpol - Mammoth
5 Younger Brother - I Am a Freak
6 Menomena - The Pelican
7 UNKLE - Burn My Shadow
8 Holy Fuck – Lovely Allen
9 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - 10 x 10
10 Chemical Brothers - Do It Again
11 Ian Brown - Illegal Attacks
12 Radiohead - Nude
13 Les Savy Fav – What Would Wolves Do?
14 Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler
15 MGMT - Time to Pretend
16 The Duke Spirit - A Wild Hope
17 Architecture in Helsinki - Heart It Races
18 The Cult - Born Into This

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 21 November 2007

1 The Cult - Dirty Little Rockstar
2 MGMT - Time to Pretend
3 Radiohead - 15 Step
4 Yeasayer - Sunrise
5 Louis XIV - There's a Traitor in the Room
6 Younger Brother - Ribbon on a Branch
7 The Orb - Mother Nature
8 UNKLE - Broken (feat. Gavin Clark)
9 Siouxsie - Loveless
10 Menomena - The Pelican
11 Poni Hoax - Involutive Star
12 Les Savy Fav - The Year Before 2000
13 Holy Fuck - The Pulse
14 Yeasayer - 2080
15 David Gilmour Girls - Young Rats
16 Digitalism - Pogo
17 Interpol - Who Do You Think
18 Radiohead - Nude

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 20 October 2007
1 Siouxsie - Here Comes the Day
2 Queens of the Stone Age - Enter the Hollow
3 Poni Hoax - Budapest
4 The Cult - Born Into This
5 Interpol - Pioneer to the Falls
6 The Orb - Let The Music Set You Free
7 Jose Gonzalez - Teardrop
8 Louis XIV - Misguided Sheep
9 Unkle -Burn My Shadow (feat. Ian Astbury)
10 Simian Mobile Disco - I Got This Down
11 Ian Brown - Illegal Attacks
12 Mark Ronson - Toxic (feat. Ol' Dirty Bastard and Tiggers)
13 We Are Wolves - Some Words
14 The Hives - Tick Tick Boom
15 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Isis
16 Joakim - Drumtrax
17 Those Dancing Days - Disc hoe
18 The Pierces - Boring

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….
Vol. 19 August 2007
1 Gogol Bordello - Ultimate
2 Paul Weller & Graham Coxon - This Old Town
3 Jakobinarina - This is an Advertisement
4 Calvin Harris - Acceptable in the 80's
5 The Enemy - Away from Here
6 The Cribs - Moving Pictures
7 The Whip - Divebomb
8 Architecture in Helsinki - Feather in a Baseball Cap
9 Portugal. The Man - Bellies are Full
10 Digitalism - Echoes
11 Interpol - Mammoth
12 Smashing Pumpkins - Bleeding the Orchid
13 UNKLE - Keys to the Kingdom
14 Victorian English Gentlemens Club - La Mer
15 Art Brut - Late Sunday Evening
16 Justice - Genesis
17 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Down Boy
18 Two Lone Swordsmen - Glories Yesterday
19 The Chemical Brothers - Burst Generator

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 18 July 2007
1 Queens of the Stone Age - Sick Sick Sick
2 Battle - The Longest Time
3 Calvin Harris - This is Industry
4 Editors - The Racing Rats
5 The Horrors - She Is the New Thing
6 UNKLE feat. The Duke Spirit - Mayday
7 Hot Club de Paris - You Can Call Me Al
8 Brakes - Hold Me in the River
9 Simian Mobile Disco - I Believe
10 The Cribs - Our Bovine Public
11 Portugal. The Man - Church Mouth
12 Asian Dub Foundation (feat. Sinead O'Connor) - 1000 Mirrors
13 Tokyo Police Club - Cut Cut Paste
14 The Hold Steady - Chips Ahoy!
15 Klaxons - Gravity's Rainbow (Soulwax Dub)
16 Kings of Leon - Fans
17 Architecture in Helsinki - Heart it Races
18 Charlotte Hatherley - Siberia
19 Justice - Phantom pt. 2
20 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - 10 x 10
21 Nine Black Alps - Burn Faster
22 The Chemical Brothers feat. Willy Mason - Battle Scars

KEEP 'EM PEELED

When I first heard of Peel, I thought that a band from Texas that chooses as its name the surname of such a typically British indie icon must have a very forced British sound. Another Five O'Clock Heroes, in other words. Well, no.

First track on the album, Oxford, (which featured on April's mixtape) reminded me of a fuzzed-up Big Audio Dynamite! Good start, in other words! This was just to get me off on the wrong foot, however, as the album then takes off on a zig-zag course of different styles. The only constants are a blending of sweet pop sensibility with jagged-edge noise, and incredible songwriting.

Other blogs have compared them favourably to such wildly differing bands as Pavement, Meat Puppets, Apples in Stereo and Belle and Sebastian, but I wouldn't take too much notice of this - you're much better off just having a listen yourself. And you're in luck - the nice people at Fanatic Promotions have made their entire album available to stream in very high quality here, and will let you download 2 of the tracks as MP3s:
Sliding Doors
Workers Wake Up

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 17 June 2007

1 Biffy Clyro - Living is a Problem Because Everything Dies
2 Pull Tiger Tail - Hurricanes
3 Justice - D.A.N.C.E.
4 Smashing Pumpkins - Tarantula
5 Arctic Monkeys - Fluorescent Adolescent
6 Paul Hartnoll - Please
7 The Cribs - Men's Needs
8 Editors - An End Has a Start
9 Queens of the Stone Age - 3s & 7s
10 Go Team! - Grip Like a Vice
11 Good Shoes - Morden
12 The White Stripes - You Don't Know What Love Is (You Just Do As You're Told)
13 Malcolm Middleton - A Brighter Beat
14 The Chemical Brothers - All Rights Reversed (feat. Klaxons)
15 The National - Mistaken for Strangers
16 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By the Sea
17 Reverend and the Makers - Heavyweight Champion of the World
18 Digitalism - Idealistic
19 Architecture in Helsinki - Hold Music
20 Cajun Dance Party - The Next Untouchable
21 Simian Mobile Disco - Sleep Deprivation

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 16 May 2007

Instructions: Dôwnloäd, unzip file using Winrar, burn to CD, place in car stereo, listen.

1 Bjork - Earth Intruders
2 White Stripes - Icky Thump
3 Groove Armada - Get Down
4 Editors - Smokers Outside the Hospital Doors
5 Manic Street Preachers - Send Away the Tigers
6 Chemical Brothers - Do It Again (feat. Ali Love)
7 We Are The Physics - Less Than Three
8 Pull Tiger Tail - Secret Says
9 Motocade - Bomb Squad
10 Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler
11 Air Traffic - I Like That
12 Interpol - The Heinrich Maneuver
13 Arctic Monkeys - Temptation Greets You Like Your Naughty Friend
14 Kid Harpoon - Riverside
15 MSTRKRFT - Work On You
16 Tokyo Police Club - Box
17 Ra Ra Riot - Can You Tell
18 Art Brut - Pump Up the Volume
19 Zapped By a Million Volts - What's the Miles Per Gallon Alan?
20 Shout Out Louds - Tonight I Have to Leave It
21 Klaxons - Magick (Simian Mobile Disco Mix)

Insert obligatory sheep joke here

Well it's been a while since I highlighted a new band on here, basically because there hasn't been that much new stuff that has pushed my buttons. So when finally something came along that did just that, it really made me sit up and notice. And it was doubly surprising when it turned out the band comes from New Zealand, not exactly known as a hotbed of cutting edge rock.

Motocade are that band, and their new EP Into the Fall has been on heavy rotation here for the last couple of weeks. And I mean heavy rotation. I know some people think it's really lazy just comparing one band with others to give you an idea of what they sound like, so I won't. But it's no coincidence that their top MySpace friends include Tokyo Police Club :D . Seriously though, if you like TPC you are certain to love this, so have a listen.

Visit their MySpace page to hear four songs, or alternatively download two of them as band-approved high-quality MP3s here:
Bomb Squad
My Friends

and here's the video for Bomb Squad:

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 15, April 2007

1 Arctic Monkeys - Brianstorm
2 Mark Ronson - Stop Me (If You've Heard This One Before)
3 The Enemy - 40 Days and 40 Nights
4 The Pigeon Detectives - Romantic Type
5 Good Shoes - Things to Make and Do
6 CSS - Off The Hook
7 The Ripps - Loco
8 I Was a Cub Scout - I Hate Nightclubs
9 Manic Street Preachers - Your Love Alone is Not Enough
10 Shitdisco - 72 Virgins
11 The View - The Don
12 Peel - Oxford
13 We are the PHYSICS - This Is Vanity
14 Frank London's Klezmer Brass Allstars - A Time of Desire
15 The National - Fake Empire
16 Foal - Hummer
17 Modest Mouse - Fire It Up
18 The Bravery - Time Won't Let Me Go
19 Fury of the Headteachers - Not What It Used to Be
20 Simian Mobile Disco - It's The Beat
21 Polytechnic - Won't You Come Around
22 Art Brut - Direct Hit
23 Dan Le Sac vs Scroobius Pip - Thou Shalt Always Kill

London Calling 30 & 31 March 2007

Last weekend was my long awaited first taste of the twice annual festival of up-and-coming British (and British influenced) bands, London Calling in Paradiso, Amsterdam.

Friday:
I started out on the balcony, in a perfect position, 2 metres in front of the bar, directly in front of the stage. And when bands played on the second stage they rolled down a screen and showed the live feed from the cameras there. So when it was a band we weren't that bothered about, or the small stage was packed out, we could sit back and enjoy our beers with a great view of the action.

Our Lunar Activities started off proceedings, without leaving any great impression on me. Then came The Wombats, one of the bands I was most looking forward to. Unfortunately they were programmed a bit too early in the proceedings, the hall was less than half full as people were still arriving, which didn't help the acoustics there, which are dodgy at the best of times. The band then proceeded to play a set made up mainly of new songs and only a few off their brilliant debut album Girls, Boys and Marsupials. No Metro Song! No Party in a Forest! No Derail & Crash! Boo! The crowd (including me) responded in a predictably muted manner.

The Wombats

Kate Nash then came on the small stage, and again I watched on the screen. She did a nice acoustic version of Caroline's a Victim, but otherwise after about four songs they all started to sound the same to me. The Twang were up next on the main stage, and they came on with an impressive swagger. They made a decent effort, but the songs weren't quite strong enough to win over the crowd or me.

The Twang

My Luminaries on the second stage were not my cup of tea at all - big washes of sound with a very earnest singer. The Long Blondes followed on the main stage. It was good to hear their songs live, but their sound was another victim of the main hall's poor acoustics, and possibly the fact that bassist and female guitarist looked as if they would rather be anywhere than there.

The Long Blondes

At this point (after my third pint of Kalimocho) I decided I had to get my feet moving and went off to the small stage to watch a band I felt were going to be the surprise hit of the festival. Isn't it lovely when you're right? we are the PHYSICS were exactly what the crowd had been waiting for - wonky, punky, stop-start pop, a great, tongue-in-cheek theatrical stage presence, geeky clothes and none of them over 21. Boom. The place went bonkers, moshing like idiots, stage invasion, stage diving, you name it, with yours truly the oldest mosher in town right in the thick of it.

we are the PHYSICS (with stage diver Joep)

After that, the Pigeon Detectives came on the main stage. They were headlining and were a little bit full of themselves, but they also put on a great show and got the crowd going. The singer stage dived twice, which is always a good way of getting the crowd on your side, and he treated the equipment with a healthy disrespect, trashing or disconnecting at least 3 mics during the show. Once again I got myself right down the front - in my book you either watch at a safe distance, like on the balcony, or you get right up into the moshpit. Halfway back is nowhere.

Pigeon Detectives (love the top photo!)

The last three gigs were billed as the afterparty, but they were more like an afterthought in my book. I stayed virtually till the end but regretted doing so. Maybe I was just too tired...

Saturday:
Moke kicked things off on the main stage. I'd seen their Noel Gallagher lookalike singer when he was with Supersub, many years ago, and he is still peddling the same sub-(hah)-Weller crap as he was then. Meuk more like (Dutch joke, sorry).

The Victorian English Gentlemen's Club were first up on the small stage, and they were excellent, but were on a bit too early to get the hungover crowd dancing.

The Victorian English Gentlemen's Club

The next acts came and went without making much impression on me. Good Books had one good song (the one I knew of course) and the rest blended into a Keane with guitars stew. The Strange Death of Liberal England held my attention for a while, but their shoegazing meanderings felt out of place at London Calling. Air Traffic were then the other extreme, riffs and hooks honed to perfection and poised to unleash themselves on the charts. I did enjoy some bits of The Kissaway Trail, and certainly wouldn't write them off as emo as some other reviewers have done. They reminded me more of a band like Aberdeen City, very widescreen and a touch ethereal.

The Enemy did a very good job of filling the main stage, even though there were only 3 of them. They had the sound and the confidence to dominate the big stage, and mostly the tunes to match, although none of them particularly lodged in my consciousness.

The Enemy

Ox.Eagle.Lion.Man were the leftfield hit of the evening. Some super tunes and an off-the-wall front man to sing them. They pushed all the right buttons and were almost as big a hit as We are the PHYSICS in the same slot the night before.

Finally the moment I'd been waiting for all evening, when Switches took to the main stage stage. I'd seen them on telly recently and they'd looked horribly full of themselves, so I feared the worst, but I was pleasantly surprised. They got the crowd going, played a tight set and, for me, were the hit of the evening.

Switches

Screendump from film on OOR.nl :P

I missed the afterparty this time in order to catch the last train home and thus be able to get up in time to order a ticket to Glastonbury the next morning. Which I did! :)

Jimmy Three Gigs

I got a bit carried away buying concert tickets recently. I'd been disappointed by the lack of good gigs in Holland in the autumn of last year, so when some interesting bands came along I went a bit mad buying up tickets. It was only when I wrote them on the calendar that it became clear that the week just gone was going to be a busy one - Kasabian on Monday, Goose on Thursday and Klaxons on Saturday (all sold-out, incidentally). And as two of these were in Amsterdam and I already had enough other things going on, I decided to try to sell either the Goose or the Klaxons ticket.

Suffice to say I didn't manage to get rid of either, and eventually decided to go to all 3 concerts. And in retrospect I'm mighty glad I did. All three were great in their own way.

Kasabian - great music, crowd less so. Adidas clad Brits on stag trips for the most part.
Goose - Brilliant, squelchy Belgian indie dance. Apart from the singer, all apparently aged 14 and able to effortlessly switch instruments at the drop of a hat.
Klaxons - one of the best gigs I've seen, ever. And only 40 minutes long. The crowd were mental, flinging glowsticks all over the place, singing their lungs out, moshing, stage invading, crowd surfing and stage diving like idiots. Utter mayhem. Gramps here was glad he could find a quiet corner on the balcony! And the band were awesome. They managed to make even the sweet harmonies on numbers like Golden Skans sound punky and ominous, and the twee faux-shanty Isle of Her became a thundering beast from the deep.

At a guess I'd say this is the first time I've been to 3 separate gigs in a week since Intro Week at Sheffield Poly, *cough* years ago. Arctic Monkeys in the Melkweg next Saturday. Bring 'em on!

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 14 March 2007

1 Klaxons - Two Receivers
2 The Fratellis - Baby Fratelli
3 Kings of Leon - On Call
4 Dartz! - St. Petersburg
5 The Rakes - We Danced Together
6 Bloc Party - Secrets
7 The KBC - Pride Before the Fall
8 Goose - Bring it On
9 The Wombats - Kill The Director
10 Fields - Song for the Fields
11 Deerhoof - Believe E.S.P.
12 Tokyo Police Club - Citizens of Tomorrow
13 Kate Nash - Caroline's a Victim
14 The Harrisons - Monday's Arms
15 Malcolm Middleton & Alan Bisset - The Rebel on His Own Tonight
16 Bloc Party - Cain Said to Abel
17 Arcade Fire - Keep the Car Running
18 Pull Tiger Tail - Let's Lightning
19 Charlotte Hatherley - I Want You to Know
20 Air Traffic - Charlotte
21 Hot Gossip - Real Mess
22 Klaxons - It's Not Over Yet

Who's hot and who's not?

Funny how band names seem to go through trends of containing the same words. How many bands have there been with 'stereo' or 'super' somewhere in the name? Answers on a postcard to the usual address... 'Superstereo' - good name for a band that.

Current favourites seem to be 'Good' (Shoes, Books) and of course 'Hot' - apart from veterans Hot Hot Heat and the Red Hot Chili Peppers, we've now got Hot Chip, Hot Gossip (who disappointingly do not feature any lycra-clad dancing girls - showing my age here) and of course Hot Club de Paris, my favourite new band of the past twelve months (official - see my Last.fm page).

They make brilliantly skewed pop, with tight barber-shop harmonies, crazy time signatures and lashings of chiming guitar, and their awesome debut album Drop It Til It Pops is currently available with a bonus CD of b-sides and the videos for their 3 singles. Bargain!

Alternatively you can watch the videos here:

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 13 February 2007

1 Klaxons - Golden Skans
2 Charlotte Hatherley - Behave
3 The Maccabees - About Your Dress
4 Bloc Party - I Still Remember
5 The Wombats - Lost in the Post
6 Lo-Fi-Fnk - Steppin Out
7 Arcade Fire - Intervention
8 Clap Your Hands Say Yeah - Love Song No. 7
9 Dartz! - Once, Twice, Again
10 Tokyo Police Club - Cheer It On
11 Beck - Think I'm in Love
12 Klaxons - Totem on the Timeline
13 Bloc Party - Sunday
14 Kubichek - Taxi!
15 The Wombats - Party in a Forest (Where's Laura)
16 The Fratellis - Got Ma Nuts from a Hippy
17 Kasabian - Me Plus One
18 Goodbooks - Walk With Me
19 Enter Shikari - Sorry, You're Not a Winner
20 Kaiser Chiefs - Ruby
21 The Good, The Bad & The Queen - Northern Whale
22 Frank Turner - Thatcher Fucked the Kids

This Month I Will Mostly Be Listening To….

Vol. 12 January 2007

1 The Wombats - Moving to New York
2 The Fratellis - 3 Skinny Girls
3 Bloc Party - Hunting for Witches
4 The Good, The Bad and the Queen - Kingdom of Doom
5 Pull Tiger Tail - Mr 100 Percent
6 Tokyo Police Club - Shoulders & Arms
7 LCD Soundsystem - North American Scum
8 The Wombats - Backfire @ The Disco
9 Cold War Kids - Hang Me Up to Dry
10 The Rapture - Wooh! Alright! Yeah!.…Uh Huh
11 GoodShoes - The Photos on My Wall
12 The Hours - Ali in the Jungle
13 Switches - Drama Queen
14 Bloc Party - Uniform
15 The Wombats - My First Wedding
16 Chikinki - Assassinator 13 - old, but new to me
17 Tokyo Police Club - Be Good
18 Battle - Tendency
19 Jamie T - Salvador
20 Fear of Music - Sixteen
21 Modest Mouse - Dashboard
22 Luxembourg - We Only Stayed Together for the Kids